Legionnaire Traikill Stormshard pays her respects.

Loss and Lore, or Life After Death For A Hero

Legionnaire Traikill Stormshard pays her respects.

Legionnaire Traikill Stormshard pays her respects.

On the 24th of Sep is my sons birthday. He isn’t with us anymore. Last year, I lost him to leukemia after a years fighting it (He got very sick on Christmas Eve, he sliped into a coma right after new year and we lost him on Valentines day). He loved games and was very good at them. GW2 was one of the favorites and a wish he had when he got better, was to visit Arena Net (there is a fund in Sweden for children with cancer that help them make a dream come true). He never got this chance. He would have become 16 this birthday.

I would like to do something on his birthday in game under the banner of the guild he created and that I have kept alive, Swedish Dragonhunters [SweD]. I don’t know what or maybe if people would like to help me let this guild live up for a day doing what ever they normally does. If so I can give an invite. I’m JonasBL.8270 (EU) in that case. After, you would be free to stay or leave as you want ofcose.

Source: https://www.reddit.com/r/Guildwars2/comments/3lbbnu/in_memory_of_my_son/

A father’s heavy grief has led him to ask their beloved Guild Wars 2 community to help honor his child’s memory. His request? For his son’s guild to be populated with members enjoying the game as they would any other day, as his son would have wanted. For one day, on his birthday, his son would be guild leader again.

Not only have developers of the game responded to join the guild, but other players have sworn to wear the guild colors, conquer the most hotly contested inter-server castle while representing his guild, and join together in-game to memorialize him. His son will live again in the realm of the heroes he fought with and trained with. He can be at peace now in the Mists.

In such artificial communities as online gaming, how much better can the permanence of memory and the fragility of loss be captured? When all metaphysical boundaries dissolve and we are together as humans each treating one another as our own, what greatness we can achieve and what immortality we can uphold.

[Sketch & Words] Birthday Locomotive

(Back of envelope, no reference, 5 minutes.) Today’s my father’s birthday and I drew him a train on the back of his envelope. 


You can stop there and laugh at the terrible lack of regard for perspective or how locomotives work, but you can also read the  longer story of why I love trains, of the most beautiful painting in the world, and of the time my father spent all day with just little old me. 

The earliest birthday I can recall is my 5th. It was my first birthday in America and my mother had flogged six balloons from a person who worked in the same food court she did, and worked late so we could afford to buy me a cake. My father spent the entire day with me and stayed home to wait with me for my mom to get off work. He even paid attention to me for the whole day. I remember being satisfied that the cheapest option for candles was still the most colorful option: a detachable train set, complete with a caboose! I wasn’t as much of a fan of locomotives as I am now, but I chose them because they were colorful and we were poor and I wanted so much to feel special. What makes a kid feel more special than so many colors?

I recall privately figuring you could reuse the trains, which were little plastic candleholders and didn’t actually move, and had selected them hoping I would get a cake in future years, too. It seemed an impossible and luxurious dream at the time. Who gets cake every year?! 

But what I remember most of all, was my very busy father sitting down, still, painting a beautiful card for me on printer paper. It was my colorful set of trains carrying a birthday message for me. I’d never known there could be so much beauty in his harried soul. To this day, after seeing so much sublime art, it’s still the most beautiful painting in my heart.

Poem: Mourning Kevin

For KS

I like to watch
the little motions
of people
the memory in a land so
like forgetting you lost your heart yesterday
and kept reaching to grind
chapped hands against another rasp of grief,
against everything
a boy echoing
from deep underneath
building momentum until
he crashes against
the inexorable drove
of life
like a broken clef
dead of the turn of
an asphalt road in a vacant zip code.

I always thought I’d be the first to go.
I hadn’t
told them the secret importance of life yet,
my children,

I dream in moments.
I dream in lives.
I’m still here.

–JZ Gong, 2015

Poem: Competitive Real Estate

There are no houses left.

In the blind striving I can see
stuttering behind your wide eyes
mistaking a tide of numbers
for enthusiasm.

All I wanted
was a place to be left
to be left alone in.
You didn’t need to guess how much I would want
a yard to look out to
from my workroom spire.

I’d rather you think
of your children
and not perform
the magical transmutation of responsibility
for nurturing that I watched my parents do from afar.

Shining. Fearful. Feral with civility.

–JZ Gong, 2015